All posts by EssiMaria

Anna Katrina Zinkeisen

We went to the National Portrait Gallery today, and I saw a self-portrait of Anna Katrina Zinkeisen.  The label said that she had gone to the Royal Academy and won a Landseer scholarship.  She later became a muralist and seems to have specialised in paintings for transport, which seems like something of a comedown for an RA scholarship winner. During the second world war she worked in clinical and pathological drawings.  It is not surprising that in war she would have needed to turn her talents to the real and immediate needs of people, but I loved her self-portrait and felt frustrated if she was only ever able to turn her hand to transport advertisements after the war ended.

The self-portrait showed a mature, beautiful, composed woman in what looks like a blue nurse’s uniform, with a scarlet red lining showing at the collar, holding her paintbrushes, and with a St John’s Ambulance bracelet on her arm.  She looks as though she has been caught rushing somewhere, and there is purposeful movement in the painting.  Her hair is also brilliant, immaculately curled and set.  She named her self-portrait Anna Katrina Zinkeisen (Mrs Heseltine) as though she wanted both her identities represented.  Perhaps her marriage gave her strength.

I rather admire her for painting such a flattering picture of herself.  Art or food?  I suppose she chose food, both in terms of using her talent to make a living from the transport paintings, but also in terms of using her talent in the war in order to help the war effort.  I’m glad she found herself rather stunning.

(Originally posted on Posterous in 2011)

World Statistics Day and rows about statistics I have loved

In the run up to World Statistics Day, I thought, well I like stats myself, but really, it’s hard to convey what’s emotional about them. Then I realised that some of the most charged moments of my working life have been triggered by a statistic.

Statistics cursed my first job. I spent three months of my life laboriously data-inputting a set of survey results into SPSS, then endured a month-long argument with my boss of the time because I was convinced that our results showed that the female professionals we were studying earned less than the men. He was absolutely sure that I was being ideological. He pulled rank and I muttered mutinously and impotently until the end of my contract. For the record, I was right.

After that I went to work for a family planning organisation, where rows raged about people who were considered ‘Malthusians’ (caricatured as neurotics terrified by the thought of large populations of people who weren’t likely to go to the same sort of school as them) rather than us activists who cared about women’s rights to plan their families.

Then there was the time I had a battle royal with a close friend who picked up a proposal for an HIV programme that I was writing. I was using a certain government’s HIV statistics, my friend had worked on HIV in the country under question, and he was absolutely convinced that the government data was wrong. I knew my proposal would not get funded unless I used the data. He said I was using data that I knew was a lie, and that made me a liar. I called him an idiot idealist. For the record, he was right.

I accepted that I was burnt out when the mortality and morbidity statistics I worked with every day had lost the ability to move me. I moved out of the sector for a while until I was ready to work with data about death again.

Now I’m back with a different set of questions. Why are donors mostly unwilling to help NGOs invest in their statistical capability? Why are there no incentives or requirements for NGOs and private sector providers to share their data with one another and with donors – not just through ad hoc and interactions but as a global strategy? Every NGO I have worked with has been desperate to deliver value for money so that we can deliver our promises. We work with statistics about sad facts and we are outraged by the stories those statistics tell. But generalities only help a bit, while better data would help us work in more targeted ways and ultimately save more lives. Data should not be seen as a luxury but as a driving force in the way we work.

(Btw, on a feminist angle the rehabilitation of Florence Nightingale from sentimental generally nice person to ‘passionate statistician’ health campaigner, look at: http://www.rss.org.uk/main.asp?group=&page=1321&event=1170&month=&year=&date

Citizenship in health?

Is there such a thing as Citizenship in relation to public services?

I attended a couple of seminars on health recently. Both acknowledged that there are massive problems with resourcing health care, whether nationally or globally. At both seminars, I asked how the speakers thought we might better engage as citizens with the questions of how we structure and finance our health system – and in neither case got an answer. A former colleague suggested to me that perhaps that is because my question has no answer. It would be a sad day for Citizenship if there is no answer to the question of how we the citizens can help decide what kind of health care system we want and are willing to pay for. This is especially so as, at the point of need, our desire for care is so urgent and critical that there is no way we would do anything other than argue that our need is absolute, and the health care system must do everything it can to provide for us. But hospitals and governments have budgets, and they must prioritise what they do in order to stay within budget. A debate about health care could easily set the young against the old, the chronically ill against the mainly healthy, smokers against non-smokers. And yet we all have to live – and eventually, die – in the same society.

One of my concerns is way in which much current government support of ‘engagement with public services’ consists of the ‘make your voice heard’ and ‘have your say’ messages which help establish a culture where the mark of success in civic engagement is having secured resources for one’s own cause, rather than having helped in a deliberative process that looks at how resources are raised and distributed. While I believe that it is extremely important to have some form of promotion of voice to enable those characteristically excluded from public space to feel confident in their own voice, the voice is only the beginning. How do we ensure that as well as owning our voices, we listen actively and consider the impacts of choices on our wider communities? Government, in its intentions to improve the delivery of public services and offer more choice casts us all as consumers, not citizens. Yet, voices from health care quietly assert the importance of Citizenship. Neil Churchill, Chief Executive of Asthma UK wrote recently in the ‘Healthy Futures’ pamphlet published by the Smith Institute:
‘Most people I meet are conscious of our duties as citizens towards the “public good” represented by the NHS and the claims of others on its resources. Good citizenship should be encouraged in healthcare and we need to engage patients in things they have in common, and not set them apart by arbitrary distinctions between different conditions.’

And Martin Dockrell, Director of Policy and Research at ASH, highlights an example where a campaign that took a citizenship model of social and economic inquiry was more effective than the traditional individualised messages of health promotion:

“Virtually the only youth tobacco campaign to make a significant impact on teen smoking did not even mention the health consequences, instead it focused on the behaviour of the industry and its role in child labour, environmental harm and marketing manipulation. In short, it engaged with young people’s sense of social justice.’

It is perhaps not surprising that these voices on the importance of Citizenship within the public service of health, come from the NGO community, which is perhaps more disposed to collective action. Nevertheless, they are important examples to us in theCitizenship community precisely because the main concern of these experts is better health, not the promotion of Citizenship learning, and yet they strongly make the case for the need for Citizenship thinking in health.

A tale of two Jamies

Christmas this year really began with listening to my very talented friend Chris singing on the South Bank with his choir Urban Voices, followed by mulled wine with Victoria and Karen. Walking home past the London Eye and trees lit with little blue fairy lights I felt very lucky to be a Londoner and to have the friends I do. Then Jamie and I shopped at Borough Market, and bought our guinea fowl from a butcher who jointed it for me according to the instructions in my Jamie Oliver cook book, despite threatening to charge more because Jamie Oliver is now too much of a big cheese to pass the time of day with him. Then he wouldn’t let me over-tip him for the Christmas box.

Christmas proper started with a plate of cheese and preparing a jelly for the next day, then a li’l glass of Prosecco. Jamie and I went to Midnight Mass in St John’s at Bethnal Green. I’m not used to a C of E service and so the intoning was a surprise and I found myself flapping desperately through the little blue booklet trying to work out – was it the creed? The eucharist? But it was a very jolly C of E sermon, exhorting us not to feel guilty for not coming to worship more often, telling us to celebrate the birth of Christ by having a good time – though not overdoing it. Rather different to the Quaker meeting I attended recently where people had ministered happily on a new child born to a single mother who is part of the meeting, and in a more conflicted spirit on a concern for the homeless, an anger against consumerism, and a plain refusal to believe a literal truth of the poetry sung in carols. There is a principled facing of the truth with Quakers that I value, but sometimes I do wish that we could just take it easy too.

Today Jamie and I cycled through town in defiance of the rain – and as often happens when you face up to an enemy, the rain melted away. Jamie led, and his confident presence helped me conquer my nerves about tackling the roads. We cycled past a working mans’ club in Bethnal Green, adorned by a Banksy graffiti and some cheery teenagers who wished us a happy Christmas, through quiet squares at the back of Kings’ Cross, through a sedate Bloomsbury and then Seven Dials in Covent Garden which was decorated with Christmas Lights arranged in the form of Candelabra. From there we went up the sandy path on the Mall, skirted the Queen’s home, past the palace of Westminster, and through Whitehall and Piccadilly. We clicked our heels together three times and said There’s no place like Soho (not really, but Jamie gave me a Wizard of Oz mug for a present and it was in my mind). As always in Soho we saw the strangest things – a woman walking down the street, oblivious to the twinkling lights of the strip joints and revue bar, with her two toddler-ish sons, who were both wearing toy police-man’s helmets; and then a moment later outside Village Soho, a small, localised glitter tornado. Some fragments of the journey were completely new to me, some (Iike Lambs Conduit Street) had impressed me ten years ago and then I had lost them, and some turnings were ingrained in the very movements of my body, places I had worked or met people at, or danced in. Then home, and then we ate a feast, from Jamie Oliver’s recipes, with some amendments from our own Jamie. We both worried some about the people we had seen who seemed homeless, or alone, or simply caught in the rain when they wanted to be somewhere else. When we were eating our home-made jelly made with berries, elderflower cordial and prosecco I was so content I could barely form words. Christmas was all I had hoped it would be – calm, luxuriant without obscene consumerism, full of laughter and friendship. It’s a good feast to wind down the year. Many thanks to Jamie for making it such a wonderful day. It’s never quite easy to decide how much it is fair to enjoy yourself when others do not have the things they most need – companionship, shelter, nourishment of all kinds. But I suppose we too need some leisure and easy time – with an old and dear friend – I think so.

The day I lost the gift of opposable thumbs

I woke up yesterday morning with that queer drifting into consciousness, where I think in indexicals – oh yes, I am me, in this place which I call ‘here’ and the time is now. Usually my first more complex thought is ‘I must make coffee’ but yesterday my first thought was ‘I am me, yet different.’ I had put on false nails the night before, as part of preparations for a New Year More Glamorous – and woke up with a more limited set of abilities than I had had the morning before. Kafka’s Metamorphosis drifted through my mind, and as I type, the sound resembles a family of beetles crossing a difficult and hard terrain. I had never before understood the sadness of turning into a beetle in quite the same way, the shame of realising that you like different things – in the beetle’s case, a new prediliction for eating shit; in my glamourously nailed form, an aversion to manual labour of even the mildest kind and a fear of hot soapy water. But most of all the sadness of having left your old body behind, of never having realised how good your body was to you, how dear it was and surprisingly adept, how much you took it, tired and plain as it sometimes felt, for granted.

Brushing my hand over my eyes was surprisingly painful, and simple actions such as opening a jar of coffee have had to be relearnt with these hard new additions to myself, my fingers not only harder and a centimetre longer, capable of being used as weapons – but also fragile – the first efforts at carrying on household chores, taking care of myself as normal, had snapped off the early efforts at extended nails, and I was running short on glue. Life has slowed down, and become complex in ways I could not have anticipated. Tying my hair back into a ponytail, which I was accustommed to thinking of as one, flowing, impatient movement, driven by a practical need to have my hair out of my eyes – is actually a series of curves, of angulations of my wrists, of tucking my hair in and out of the elasticated band. Doing up my zip and fastening the buttons on my trousers was almost impossible, in fact I almost made Jamie and myself late for midnight mass by taking so long to do myself up. What do women who normally have such nails wear? Tights must be a no-no, as well as anything requiring a bow. And yet the irony is they look so gorgeous – with their French manicure and little arc of silver. I feel gracious and feminine, even as I have to hand Jamie boxes to open because their folds are too complex for my elongated nails to penetrate. I have learnt to press switches by holding my hand flat and using the pad of my fingers, instead of prodding or poking. I stare besottedly at my elegant hands. But I wonder, is there any other example in the animal species of a female voluntarily semi-immobilising herself in order to be more attractive to a potential mate?

Eltham ’93 remembered

When I heard that Ade Sofola, the leader of the Youth Act project at the Citizenship Foundation, was going to take young people from Lewisham and Eltham away together on a Youth Act residential, it brought back sharp memories. I only need to hear those two London place names mentioned together and I’m back in 1993, when Lewisham, with a large black population, and Welling, largely white, and home to the BNP, collided. Eltham was where it happened.

I used to get off at the next bus-stop up from the one where Stephen Lawrence was killed, several times a week, to meet my boyfriend Tom. Tom had a knife held to his throat once at the cinema opposite that same bus-stop when we were doing nothing worse than walking down the road looking happy. I was thumped once in Blackheath for trying to stop some drunk men bullying a Chinese family. Although we felt we led sheltered lives, and it was nothing like as bad as the postcode warfare that blights the lives of so many young people today, like any teenagers, we were not entirely safe. But the last thing we were going to do was tell our parents or teachers. They’d have stopped us going out. We valued our freedom more than our safety. But when Stephen Lawrence died, and even more, when the police failed to find his killers, it changed our neck of South East London, and it changed all of us.

I would probably never have thought to join anti-racism societies at university had I not seen my stamping grounds turned into a battleground. When I saw certain political groups in the student union try to claim it as their issue as they went round the residences, recruiting supporters, I slammed the door in their face. It was my neighbourhood, our life, that they were using to score points with. I hadn’t been angry at the time, I didn’t even know how to talk about it with my own friends properly. It only made me angry afterwards that we had been so let down that people, young people, turned on each other in violence. Angry that we didn’t know who to believe or to trust. Angry that a young man had died on our streets and people I met claimed they knew who killed him, but would not name names.

We weren’t scared, we were too young to know what scared meant. We enjoyed the tactics. Meeting my boyfriend and his mates and mapping out which side streets we would use to avoid the gangs we had heard were over from Lewisham for the night. Discussing matter-of-factly with my best friend, who is mixed race, whether we would be safer walking together or separately. The weekend after the killing when I stood by the river, looking at the hill going up from Greenwich towards Eltham, and seeing unexplained fires I had a feeling of threat – but also the exhilaration of not being dead. Then the rumours. Being told by a man we met in the pub that it wasn’t a racist killing, ‘just’ gang warfare. Then as we waited by a bus-stop at the end of the night, seeing that same man face a bus, scratch his armpits and dance from foot to foot, making monkey noises, directed at a black man inside the bus. Then he had gone. It was sickening. A racist telling me that something was not a racist killing.

I believe that we all have the seeds of violence inside us, and that we have the tools in ourselves to make sure that those seeds do not grow. I know that those of us who were in our late teens in South East London in 1992 will not forget what happened. I think if there had been a project like Youth Act there, then, we would have had more of a means not only to make our streets safer, but to talk to each other, and to the police, and the MP, and everybody. We could have maybe seen for ourselves if we thought the police were institutionally racist. Perhaps people would have felt safer in speaking to those police about what the gangs were doing, or we might have known if they actually were on the streets, or were rumours by people who like to frighten other people. Perhaps we would have let our parents know that we thought we might be in danger, but was there still some way we could go to hang out with our friends. Maybe we could not have saved Stephen Lawrence. But we owe it to the memory of every young person who has died in the battles on our streets to bring peace wherever we can.

Two hit wonder

When I was in Pret yesterday I noticed that instead of offering ‘strong’ coffee you are prompted to order a ‘two hit’ one. After a brief struggle between a commitment to plain English and caffeine addiction, the devil won and I obediently asked a ‘barista’ for a two hit cappuccino, despite thinking it sounded like a summary of John Prescott’s relationship with journalists.

She stared at me blankly, and asked her colleague for advice. He stood beside her supportively and stared at me blankly. After a moment I asked for a double cappuccino, and they smiled and got me one. I explained I had just been asking for what it said on the board. It’s ridiculous, they said, in Southern European accented English. It’s Oxford Street, most of the people who come in to this place don’t speak English as a first language, why do they make it more difficult? Marketing, I guess, after all, I feel much more kinship with the staff of a cafe if I know that they have the same problems as me in understanding management speak.

Sounds of power

I was once having lunch with a man that I had had a minor affair with. He was in London for a few days between postings in Iraq and Nigeria, and asked, as he always did about my personal life, and as always, I replied that I was single. He looked unperturbed and explained that women had much less need of a relationship because they had the emotional support of a network of female friends. Yes, I said wistfully, but men are good at carrying heavy things…

This rainy bank holiday has been a saga of carrying heavy things and spending ages up to my elbows in stereo wiring, and I am proud to report that my new CD/radio, speakers and record player are now blasting out sound and I DID IT MYSELF, waded straight into that masculine world of heavy things and wire. My old stereo was a Eurovision casualty, more proof that bad music kills. I had a dreadful stereo one year at university and unsurprisingly went into depression. Today I feel a sense of feminism I haven’t had since I was sixteen. It really is important to be able to do this stuff yourself.

And resulting from this afternoon’s wiring magic – has anyone listened to Primal Scream’s Screamadelica recently? I celebrated having a record player with my old double LP – the one with little messages from Bobby Gillespie scratched into the run off – and had forgotten how unbelievably good it sounds. I’d like to take this opportunity to say that I request ‘Don’t Fight It, Feel It’ to be played at my funeral, along with ‘Jump’ by Madonna and the penultimate song from the Air album that Annika and I were listening to in South Africa, she knows what I mean. Then the third movement from the Beethoven late quartet in A minor either as people are coming in or leaving. That’s all!

Housing Association (Rights and Representation) Bill

This bill is going through its second reading in the House of Commons today. http://www.publications.parliament.uk/pa/cm200607/cmbills/035/2007035.pdf
I
‘m in a shared ownership property, which means that the biggest financial commitment I have ever made is with an organisation that I find curious and baffling and to which I am intimately bound. The mysterious place they call ‘Head Office’ in which decisions about my domestic circumstances are made is completely unknown to me and yet every inch of my carpet is known to them. They are certainly autocratic and whimsical, often quiet and obscure, and may be relatively benevolent, but after four years of sharing a flat our hearts are still strangers to one another.

This bill appears to rebalance the situation towards the tenant. My reading of the bill is that it would require housing associations to produce a service agreement which would be approved by either the Housing Corporation or a tenants’ jury. An inspection of the housing association and whether or not it is living up to its service promise can be requested by the tenants association. If the housing association continually fails to deliver on its service, the Housing Corporation may ballot the tenants on whether the management should be transferred to another housing association.

I have encouraged the residents in my block to write to our MP to recommend she support this bill, but it belatedly occurred to me that I have no idea whether this would be a good thing or not. How can I find out? And how can I find a website that decodes parliamentary bills into plain English?

If you are also a tenant of a housing association these links might be useful:

The website of the housing association regulator:
http://www.housingcorp.gov.uk/index.php

If you want to contact your MP about the bill you can look them up on http://www.theyworkforyou.com/